WOW!

WOW! I was shocked when I realised that this blog has been around for 3 years. The decision made to start this blog is still fresh in my mind. It feels like yesterday.

Darn. I was so in mood to write a post and to write it in Mandarin. Too bad this new lappy does not allow me to type in Chinese.

Lots of negative emotions went in and outta my mind this week. Some were actual, some were imaginative. I have a tendency to torture myself with imagination. It feels bad but great to imagine myself facing truly sad situation, like got rejected by a girl I like.

Lots of things happened between this post and the last one. Truly life changing events. I could never have thought of this. Responsibility's getting larger, time's getting lesser, freedom's locked. I just wish I could share all my feelings to someone. Someone important. I just don't have any.

Yup. I have good friends with me. I wish to talk to them with 100% emotion released. But, what position am I in to make them listen to my repetitive nag? To bring negative emotions to others with my personal story is just not my style. Plus, I'm locked in a hard cover. A cover that has been preventing me from sharing everything.

Blog is my resort. I can nag all shit stuff here and get no complaints. Why is this happening on me?????? There are many motivating articles/phrases out there telling one to never complain on your misfortunes, instead, break it through, look for solutions rather than sitting on bed crying.

But.

What solution do I have?????? What can I do?????? One might say that I did not try hard enough. Probably. Probably I was burnt out. I'm lost.

You changed completely. I did not know sickness was that powerful to completely change a person until I experienced it.

I just have no energy to take care of so much of stuff. There is limitation to one's capability and mine's reached. I just could not contribute more. Failure in work life and love life, and my family life seems like failing as well. No balance achieved. Fail.

I hope to have someone beside me, ease my pain, kill my loneliness. Good girls are all over. It's just me. I lack courage and freedom to chase one. What more?

Occupied.

It's late. Body's getting old. Can't afford to stay late no more. I miss my youth. I miss uni days. I miss stress-free life. I miss healthy mom and dad. I miss every past day. I missed a colourful young age. I'd definitely go back in time, if it's not impossible. 

Good night.